A raspberry is a small berry like fruit with seeds in it. It is usually red in colour. Some people think it tastes quite nice, and it is usually enjoyed on its own or it joins with lots of its friends and is eaten as a dessert. I used ‘enjoy’ in the loosest term possible. I can eat them sometimes, generally when I am being polite and don’t want to puke in front of someone, or I am so hungry I think I may become an accidental anorexic. Or maybe I’d actually become an accidental bulimic, because as soon as I put one of those sick worthy little things into my cake hole and swallow the little fucker, it would make me vomit. Yup, accidental bullimia is more fitting here – handy for weight loss at least. Either way, where raspberries are concerned, I can’t win. But, back to business.
Lots of people like raspberries, and whilst I don’t particularly like the fruit itself with its manky little seeds getting on the nerves of my teeth, I do like the flavour and, more importantly, the colour, especially when I’ve smashed the shit out of a few, more specifically, 49 of them.
Oh my, have you seen the colour?! No? Maybe you should trot out to the shop or your local farm shop one day, (you have the luxury of which one you should choose) and buy yourself a punnet of the most interesting looking variety of fat and juicy raspberries, making sure you have 49 exactly, hot step it back home, or find a location that your heart desires, anywhere will work, though if you wish to partake in a little naked raspberry bashing then please do ensure you find somewhere you are unlikely to get arrested, (if you are a thrill seeker then you are on your own here you crazy naked raspberry bashing freak, but the forest would be kinda kinky doncha think? A nudest beach might be a bit less weird) then select a squishing implement. Now this bit is important because it depends on how far you wish the squish to go. Do you want to achieve a little squirt? Or do you want to be known for your shot length? For those of you that prefer less mess, you’re in the wrong place, I’m not even going to entertain you. Everyone else, get your raspberries, grab whatever it is you decided to use, (I found just a good old hand slap to be the best thing, though the palms started to smart after a bit) and smack the fuck out of your fruits! Go on, go mental! Watch those raspberries fly! See that juice squirt! Do them individually if you must and draw out the excitement of this unusual adventure! Pop them between your fingers and watch that little bastard burst! Crush the cunts until you are spent. You’ll be exhausted from the exhilaration of it all, but you can languish in the deliciousness of knowing you have now experienced…
49 Hues of Crushed Raspberry.
Failing that, you could just read this blog and have a fucking good laugh without the mess.
49 Hues of Crushed Raspberry is bought to you by the wife of a sexy man. They have three very well behaved children who sometime behave like little bastards and stuff their chicken fajita hot, posh wraps in the arm rests of aeroplanes. Wife works full time, but has a lot to say outside of her day job.
Raspberries – a little bit of lovely looking evil.
49 Hues of Crushed Raspberry 